Have you noticed how much you talk to yourself? Everyone does it, and you’re probably not an exception. Even now, while you read these words, your mind is chatting to you.
Indeed, our self-talk is active during every waking moment. Much of what we say to ourselves is made up of repetitive ideas that we’re not even aware we’re thinking. If the majority of these ideas are negative, our actual experience will in turn be tinged with negativity, giving us the very opposite of what we desire. After all, what we desire is love in a healthy relationship.
If we don’t get wise to the self-talk going on in the privacy of our minds, we’ll end up sabotaging our relationships, creating pain and misery for ourselves and for those around us. Often, we tell our friends and family one thing, but secretly think the opposite.
For example, we may say that we’re happy being single, and excited about the search for a partner. In our minds, we’re terrified, scolding ourselves for not yet finding a good guy. In fact, there seems to be a “collective unconscious” of single women’s thoughts.
Here are the three lies women tell themselves most often:
1. I will never find a man who’ll love me.
2. I’m not worthy of a great love.
3. I will die alone.
If these thoughts are all too familiar, you’re in need of some positivity. Luckily, there’s a remedy. We have to recognize that these beliefs are a product of our fear, and that they must be put to rest by acknowledging some truths.
Instead, tell yourself:
1. There is someone out there for everyone. I see proof of this as I look at the many different kinds of couples all around me. I choose to believe that if I exist, so does he. If I am longing to find my partner, he must be longing to find me right now as well.
2. No one is perfect. That includes myself and the man who’ll love me. There are many imperfect people in wonderful relationships, and I’m no different. I know I’m worthy of a great love because if I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t have this strong desire for one.
3. This is my fear talking and it has nothing to do with my life or ability to love. I’m just being overly dramatic and scaring myself. No one knows the future or how their life will end. I refuse to hurt myself with these thoughts any longer. I choose to live in the present and enjoy my life.
We will always have negative self-talk; it’s a part of our makeup and it’s not going away. But we also have the ability to redirect our thoughts, to catch the negative ones that hold us back and to choose healthier ones that move us forward.